What does this actually mean? When do you fall out of balance?
Firstly, all the relations you make reflect the balance, or lack thereof, that exists within oneself.
Finding and maintain the right balance, especially in a couple dynamic, is among the most difficult lessons in life. This is the relation which most people desire greatly and put a lot of effort and energy into, so it allows a lot of people to learn and grow.
Let us explore a bit of the relationship with Self!
Try to follow this exercise: Write down 5 of the most frequent mistakes you think you make, what you dislike about yourself, what you are critical of.
- I ate more/less than I wanted to
- I spoke too much/ too little again today
- I let myself be pushed over again by my coworkers/siblings/friends today
- I told myself I would visit my family but I did not
- I spent my money on things I didn’t need/ didn’t budget for
- I feel like I cannot speak my truth
- The person I am with now does not feel right for me and I do not know what to do
- I constantly compare myself to coworkers/siblings/friends
And so many more…
Now instead imagine that it is your friends/siblings/parents/children telling you of these mistakes. What is your response? How does the view change? Do you refrain from saying something, swallowing your comments, or do you react?
What happens if we change the responses we repeated to ourselves and others for such a long time?
Instead of shaming and blaming ourselves:
we start making small, do-able steps to improve,
we appreciate every little step of improvement with a positive comment,
we remark the good things about us,
we give us credit where it is due every day,
we show compassion for our difficulties.
Watch yourself and listen to the language you use when talking to yourself. Rephrase accusation into expressions of what you really desire.
I ate more/less than I wanted to – accusation
I would like to feel lighter before going to bed. Next time I will not eat all that I have on my plate – your desire to feel lighter.
I would like to feel stronger each day. Next time I will try to finish everything on my plate – your desire to feel stronger.
In all matters of relation being it to yourself or to others, find a new response, rephrase it and you will see what comes back.
No human on earth is perfect, we all come to learn and evolve. If we would know it all and if we would be perfect, we would not come to live a human life. So do not expect more from yourself that you can deliver. Do all you can and strive to be better today than you were yesterday.
To expect from your partner to give you what you yourself do not have, to complete what you are missing, is a road to disaster. If you are not happy with yourself, nobody can make you happy – at least not in the long run. That does not mean that we cannot lighten up the life of a partner for a beautiful moment together but I am talking long term here. I am reflecting on life-long-learning, not on a good night with a wonderful person.
Get into rituals to make yourself happy and you will attract people that can connect on that level. Easier said than done but it is worth the effort!
There are many ways to change your attitude to yourself and automatically to all your relations. One I love is to exercise guided meditations. Being it in a one-to-one session for a very personal need or in my weekly group, addressing our desires and finding new ways to respond to our everyday life situations.