Many people have written about this and I am also trying my take on this vast topic.
We attract what we believe that we miss, what we need to learn, what we refuse to learn, what we refuse to see in ourselves, what we are afraid of. Have I missed something? This is the common knowledge.
Now, how does this work?
Let’s say the universe wants you to learn to let go of attachments, to learn not to hold on to things and people, to learn to trust your own abilities and know that you are lovable even if you do not have attractive things or people by your side or an important position.
You will meet people you are very attracted to and at first, they will show all signs of loving and admiring you back, only after you are firmly hooked, they will let you down – by your standard, not theirs necessarily, feel suffocated by your need to stay close and based on the resulting discussions and misunderstandings, ultimately, they will leave you. Based on possessions, it might show that you own lovely things only to lose them or spoil them.
There is endless room to blame and to shame and even if you might have to deal with really bad people, it is still you who has to learn something and it is you they are helping to learn, they are your best teachers.
As long as you blame others for what is happening to you, you will not learn and the same will continue to happen to you, until one day in your lifetime you stop this, learn your lesson and move on.
Once you start strengthening your self esteem, start feeling that you are whole and enough as you are, you will start to find different people attractive and you will not define yourself through things anymore, even if you continue collecting, you will not be attached for dear life to things.
When you change how you respond to what is happening to you, what happens to you will change.
This is natural law, not cynicism. You learn and evolve from what you attract. Are you ready to learn and to evolve or do you hold on for dear life to what you have? Some lessons take a long time, maybe many life times to learn. As for others, we learn them in a short period and we do not understand anymore how we could have felt ok with a situation, when getting out of it was such a great thing.
When we stay in a tiny place and we see a bit of heaven, we admire that heaven, thinking this is all there is. We can stay and admire that tiny bit of heaven or we can let go, get out, break free and see the horizon all around.
In this context, we might understand what a traumatic situation our birth is. We have to let go of the wonderful place in our mother’s belly, where everything is provided and we just take what we need from her. And then, when we settled in nicely, there comes this push to get out. Out where? Out into what? Some will never experience in their life such a dramatic change again. No wonder we have scars from our birth and we need conscious action to heal such trauma.
We wonder why we enter again and again into the same kind of drama. We re-live our crises until we take a new route, trying out a new response. That sounds very simple, but it is not at all easy. Our system of protection has a very strong alarm system to alert change and the unknown. Our alarm system is very helpful and we should take it seriously, while at the same time not let the alarm ring day and night. Acknowledge the alarm, verify the situation and then stop the alarm clock.
Our closest relations are often these teachers. We can split from a boyfriend/girlfriend, get a divorce, not talk to our parents anymore, change the job, simply refuse to learn, but can we do the same to our children? All we do, we think, we say influences our wellbeing, we have many choices and we choose our path every day, confirming the old ways or taking a slightly new direction. At first, the difference is very little, but the more we walk on our new journey the more evident our new destination gets.
I’d love to take a concrete example of geography. Let’s say you are heading off from Beijing and your direction is Moscow. Why Moscow? Because it is fancy, you can make a lot of money there, the men are especially attractive and more-over, because your ancestors all travelled to Moscow. Now, you are the game changer and already well on your way to Moscow you find it more and more difficult to move on, the road becomes energy draining and full of obstacles. You might move on, nevertheless, because you also learnt that life is not easy and it is a good deed to keep moving on. Then you hear about Italy, a piece of music, a new person in your life etc. That opens a whole new world of opportunities. You take a tiny turn toward the southwest, not such a big deviation from your usual path, but still an untrodden ground. You take a step out of your box and take a new turn, learn new things and walk a new path, you feel fulfilled and eventually you end up in Rome, where your heart led you. That does not mean that Moscow is a bad place, just not your place.
What are you attracted to? Are you on your path or still following the path of your ancestors, your society or of what it is fashionable right now?