By most people’s standards I am old. Before I go into more details, I would like to state the conclusion that I do not want to be one day younger: neither my inner self nor by my looks.
Getting old is fantastic. Being able to live fulfilled and carry this feeling into old age is a blessing that many people do not have.
The best part of it is that I no longer have to prove anything to anyone and neither to myself. That alone is giving me so much more energy to concentrate on the really important things in life.
This energy I use to learn and to wonder and to experiment and to grow my awareness, my mental capability and my energetic presence. Presence is one of the most powerful tools we have. Being present for myself, in my world, in my environment. I have the power to consciously choose what I engage with and who I let into my world. Being driven by connection and the desire to tune in and exercise my choices, is living my life fully. I for one did not allow myself that luxury during my “youth” while I was aiming for perfection and trying to reach standards made by society.
What is really valuable in life is the ability to look into your inner self and heal the many wounds from past traumas, no matter their origin. Be it from a previous life, from the childhood in the current one, or passed down from ancestors, I am thankful that I can now focus on healing the wounds that are there. Regardless of conscious choice, before birth we pick whichever ancestry line fits to our previous experiences in past lives for us to grow as souls. The older I get, the easier this work is and especially because I am no longer afraid to investigate my own shadow and bring out what has been hidden there for a very long time.
In my work I see almost daily how difficult it is to function in a world that needs perfection, to keep so much pain at bay, not to show weakness (as it is considered in society) and suffering. Sometimes, when the truth comes out, like a volcano that erupts after it was boiling under the surface for a long time, it is perceived as a threat. It was so much better when it was under control, deeply hidden within. If we would be able to control volcanos, we would have done so a long time ago. Fact is that we cannot and one way or other our demons will show up. When we are ready to look at them straight in the eyes, we often see that it is much less terrible than it was to attempt to keep them under control.
This is why in the softest way possible I encourage those coming to me to face the impossible together, let go of the suffering and be grateful for the teaching we receive from our own traumatic experiences.
Jeffrey Wolf Green linked this work to Pluto experiences, to our soul’s journey. He says that there are 2 possibilities of learning from the plutonian energy. Face it – difficult, but not necessarily traumatic, and holding it back until it erupts into a cataclysmic event. Sounds like black and white, but really there are many shades of grey and it is almost never totally one shade.
As I feel a subject coming up, I go digging and often I ask for help from a colleague or a therapist who feels right for the subject in question. My soul’s journey is as difficult as that of anyone alive right now. We have gone through many difficult lives and have died in the most horrific ways. Some sequences we might remember, others remain in darkness. We do not need to search for these memories, for if it is the right time for them to heal, they will surface anyway.
I am especially grateful to be able and accepted as a guide through such difficult processes by as many people as I can work with and I humbly accept this role for now.
When I leave this life, I want to go healthily in the best possible spirit, with a smile on my face, light footed and not carrying anything over into the future.
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